After witnessing Scotter’s recent cry for help, lamenting the lack of a proper sequel to Beck’s magnificently funky Midnite Vultures, I grew concerned and did what any good friend would do: I consulted with a professional. Through word of mouth I encounted a nice Jewish doctor by the name of Funkenstein, who was quickly able to identify Scotter’s troubling symptoms: restless legs, agitation, eye dilation, hip gyration, back aches, and heart breaks. In layman’s terms, he had the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie woogie blues. Dr. Funkenstein, being ever so preoccupied and dedicated to the preservation of the motion of hips, quickly wrote up the following prescription. Scotter, I certainly hope your insurance policy covers this:
Prince – Partyup
(from Dirty Mind)
I’ve been told that dancing occurred prior to the existence of Prince, but, between you and me, I find that proposition a little hard to swallow. The throbbing beat on this four-track funk masterpiece is guaranteed to jumpstart any fledgling dance party, and the non-sequitor political one-liners (”That army bag, such a double drag”) only heighten this song’s relevance in today’s day and age.
Munk & James Murphy – Kick Out the Chairs
(from Gommagang 3)
Cowbells, rubbery basslines, skittery guitars, and cheeky lyrics that simultaneously pay homage to (mock?) the MC5, James Brown, and Snoop Dogg – what’s there not to like? It’s as if this song was designed with the sole purpose of getting you to clap your hands with swooping gestures and wiggle your hips in the general direction of any warm-blooded body within a 30-foot radius, proving that if white guys can’t dance well, they can at least dance vigorously.
Ice Cube – Bop Gun (ft. George Clinton)
(from Greatest Hits)
While Ice Cube may be asking if he’s done yet with his schlocky acting options these days, back in 1993 he was just hitting his stride with “Bop Gun”’s liquid Compton groove. Ever the scholar, Dr. Funkenstein, who is particularly fond of this track, notes that this song’s framework of intergalactic P-Funk and sexually suggestive hip-hop was a necessary precursor to the white boy party staple Midnite Vultures.
Junior Senior – Can I Get Get Get
(from Hey Hey My My Yo Yo)
While the follow-up to what was quite possibly the most perfect dance party album ever has taken a torturous two years after its initial release to hit American shores, there’s little reason to believe that the palliative effects of Junior Senior’s Hey Hey My My Yo Yo will be diluted when it comes to improving the functionality of your boogie bone. The Danish duo are taking two steps forward on this new record, embracing more ’80s synths and hip-hop aesthetics while leaving behind some of the ’60s beach party vibe they had captured so well on D-D-Don’t Stop the Beat. The Doctor knows that this will help you to get get get down.
Kanye West – Stronger
(from Graduation)
Kanye to Us: “Damn they don’t make ‘em like this anymore, I ask because I’m not sure: Do anybody make real shit anymore?”
Us to Kanye: ‘Ye, with the exception of a few embarrassing lyrical moments, like rhyming “anymore” with “anymore,” I think it’s fairly evident that you just answered your own rhetorical question. The answer being, of course: Yes, you do. Mr. West, you’ve been taking the concept of “crossover appeal” to such new levels that the label “hip-hop” is beginning to sound too confining for what it is you’re trying to accomplish. And here you are on this track, flowing over Daft Punk samples, sounding like a rigorous dance instructor by day, superhero by night. We may not be able to keep up with you, but we’ll sure as hell try.
Amy Winehouse – Rehab (Hot Chip remix)
(from Back to Black)
Is this song the source of the most ironic headlines of the summer of 2007? Yes, yes, yes. But is that any reason for us to stop enjoying this song? (All together now) No, no, no. And besides, the latest gossip is that she’s already fallen off the wagon. While Dr. Funkenstein does recommend a thorough stint at rehabilitation for harmful substance abuse and addiction, he is quick to note that the only cure for infectious melodies is to let the tune get completely overplayed, or simply to replace it with a newer, more potent melody, which is basically like using heroin to quit alcohol. In any case, this song is hot with two T’s. So, I guess I should spell that “hott.” Is that better?
YACHT – The Summer Song (ft. Claire L. Evans)
No this isn’t yacht rock, this is YACHT, alias Jona Bechtolt, a.k.a. the guy who handles the electronics in the indie pop group The Blow. I’m adding this song to Scotter’s pill bottle not only because of its Soft Cell-like four-to-the-floor beat and its proper self-identification of being a “summer song,” but because of readers like you who had recommended it. Good on you, readers.
Hopefully this helps to cure your ailments, Scotter. And while it’s been a few months since I last attended a proper dance party, one thing is for certain: you can take the Todd out of the dance, but you can’t take the dance out of the Todd.
-Posted by Todd
4 Comments
all the blogs bullshit about amy & still i haven’t heard singing and songwriting like that in so long– people should say thank you before bitching about something they’re incapable of doing themselves
I say doctor, Mr. M.D.,
You just cured me what’s ailing me.
Great post, Todd. I’ve never heard “Dirty Mind” and will go buy it this week. “Partyup” is too spot on, to the point where it seems that Beck was willfully borrowing the wailing scream toward the end of “Partyup” for “Sexx Laws.” I particularly liked “Bop Gun” as well.
I’m getting a “not found” error on the Kanye West track. Thanks for the others.
Weird, that should be fixed now. Thanks for reading.
Scotter, ‘Dirty Mind’ is one of Prince’s rawest, most delicious albums – I think you’ll love it.