The Post-Rockist

It’s Halloween today, and that can only mean one thing: today is the one day in the year when most people choose to express themselves as individuals by means of over-the-top, clever costumes. For me, personally, the costume choice was a no-brainer: Senator Larry Craig (R-ID). After donning a poorly-made brown suit and a fake bald head from Walgreen’s, the costume only requires a few flourishes to make it a winner: Creepy old man glasses? Check. Toilet paper comically stuck to the bottom of one’s loafers? Check. GOP button? Check. Kinky handcuffs dangling from one wrist to really drive the point home for fellow party-goers who may be living under a rock? Bam! It’s golden! Now that I’m all gussied up with nowhere to go, all I need are a few good seasonal tunes to set my toes a-tap-tap-tappin’ and, who knows, if you’re lucky, you might catch me busting out into my famous Wide Stance Dance. (Hyuck, hyuck, I slay me! Oy vey. I hope you weren’t expecting anything serious with as punny as a title as this post shamefully features. Anyway, moving along now…)

Last year I attended a haunted house where the only three songs played by the establishment were Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” George Thorogood & The Destroyer’s “Bad to the Bone,” and that “Oh Yeah” song made popular by its usage in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and those Twix commercials from around the same time. These three songs were cycled on repeat while I waited in line for over an hour. Pure horror. While all three songs are good in their own right, and certainly deserving of placement in any respectable Monster Mash-up, here are 13 unlucky tunes sure to frighten away your guests:

Funkadelic - March to the Witch’s Castle
(from Cosmic Slop)

Gnarls Barkley - The Boogie Monster
(from St. Elsewhere)

The Unicorns - Tuff Ghost
(from Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone?)

Franz Ferdinand - Evil and a Heathen
(from You Could Have It So Much Better)

Ramones - Chain Saw
(from Ramones)

King Khan & BBQ Show - Zombies
(from What’s for Dinner?)

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Satan Said Dance
(from Some Loud Thunder)

Talking Heads - Psycho Killer (live)
(from The Name of This Band is Talking Heads)

Ministry - Every Day is Halloween
(from Twelve Inch Singles (1981-1984))

David Bowie - We Are the Dead
(from Diamond Dogs)

The Fiery Furnaces - Duplexes of the Dead
(from Widow City)

The Gothic Archies - City of the Damned
(from The New Despair)

Harry Nilsson - I’d Rather Be Dead
(from Son of Schmilsson)

So what made your Halloween playlist this year?

-Posted by Todd