Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Rudy Ray Moore – “Night Before Christmas, Part 1″
(from This Ain’t No White Chrismas!)

You shouldn’t listen to this. Honestly, don’t. Even the back of the album warns, “Rated XXX: Not suitable for airplay.” It’s crass, vulgar, juvenile, and stupidly offensive from start to finish. It’s a marvel to think that Rudy Ray Moore actually took the time to sit down and write this. “Hmmm, what rhymes with ‘Saint Nick’?” Albums like this had to be sold in discrete paper bags under the counter for a reason.

But I won’t hold it against if you accidentally press play.

You see, you may not know it to look at me, but I was raised on Rudy Ray Moore. Dolemite, The Human Tornado, Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil’s Son-in-Law — I couldn’t tell you the plot of any of these movies without you thinking I’ve been smoking some serious crank, but I could never say ‘No’ to a Rudy Ray Moore flick. So you can imagine my surprise when I was flipping through the stacks at Apop Records and saw This Ain’t No White Christmas! — I mean, Jesus, just look at that cover. It’s genius! And aside from Nat “King” Cole, I can’t think of any other artist who’s got a track called “Eatin’ Pussy” on their Christmas record. While I don’t think there’s any relation between Clement Clarke Moore, the author of the original “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” and Rudy Ray, there’s no doubt that Dolemite’s loose interpretation has left an indelible, uhm, taint on the original.

Belated R.I.P., Mr. Moore.