It’s been over a year since we recorded our last episode, but we’re finally back with plenty to say about Enrique Iglesias and Rihanna, plus lots of talk about breakfast, coitus, and the risque female artist gravy train.

As always, clips from the songs are spliced in, but if you want to watch the videos first, you can see Rihanna’s “S&M” here and Enrique Iglesias’s “Tonight” (the explicit version with all the cursing and nudity) here.

Listen here: Download audio file (09_AndrewLiz__Ludas_Dirtbike.mp3)

Or download an mp3 version here.

Footnotes:

1. David Guetta (of “Sexy Bitch” fame) is indeed French. I heard another song of his on the radio recently but I do not remember it at all and can’t seem to find a current single on the charts anywhere.

Download audio file (lou-waiting.mp3)
Lou Reed – I’m Waiting for My Man
(from American Poet)

Fuck me, I’m bad at this. I know, I know, after three-plus years of blogging you’d think I’d be past the stage of intermittently putzing out like a complete amateur, but there you have it. I’m a schlub. In the past, when no one read the blog, it didn’t matter if I zoinked out on my duties. But now that like four or five people actually read this damn thing on a semi-regular basis (Hi, Mom!), lately I’ve been getting called out in public for my laziness, obligating me to write off my mental flightiness and leisure pursuits as though they were some cheeky personal foibles, like I was some minor character in a Bronte novel, which of course never goes over well. Sheesh.

Anyway, sorry to keep you waiting. Here’s a taste of what you might have missed while I was out, but which you’ve probably already caught up on by now:

-St. Vincent came to St. Louis, and I was absolutely smitten.

-The Kanye West/Lady Gaga tour was canceled, only to be replaced by a Lady Gaga/Kid Cudi tour, which is a major downer.

-Kanye did release a short film with Spike Jonze that managed to be both entertaining and arty. Win?

-I was lucky enough to catch the Dethklok/Mastodon/Converge/High on Fire tour, and even though I cowered far in the back I still managed to get subdued, sullied, desecrated, and other adjectives that indicate I received a thorough good thrashing from monster guitars. Also, I realized that the most “metal” thing I own is a heather gray herringbone cardigan, which, believe me, is not as bad as the time I wore a polo shirt and pleated khakis to see Switchblade Symphony because I obviously don’t have to foresight to purchase fetish wear for casual nights out on the town.

-Scotter ate at a Cracker Barrel.

-He probably composted the leftovers.

-Jumbling Towers were interviewed by Tiny Mix Tapes, and for some reason the pull quote is about prayer.

-Phaseone dropped a new mixtape and received accolades from P4K.

-There was a huge turnout for the almost all-local Gentlemen Auction House/Blind Eyes/out-of-town-band/Beth Bombara show at Off Broadway last Saturday, which was great to see. Sadly, I was reminded why it’s not cost-effective to drink Maker’s Mark exclusively all evening.

-Sunset Rubdown are playing Off Broadway tonight. Have you seen the video for “Black Swan” yet? It’s got skeletons.

-I listened to a lot of old Weezer and Nirvana, because I’m feeling weirdly nostalgic for the ’90s and because advertising is telling me that I should drop everything and rush to the mall to buy a $70 designer flannel.

-Some bands released some songs. Your life was forever changed.

-This happened.

Uhm, I think that about sums it up. Or, that’s it for now. More later.

Full line-up and contests you should have been entering at Eat This City.

The Ramones – I Wanna Be Well (buy)
Download audio file (WannaBeWell.mp3)

Bo Diddley – Pills (buy)
Download audio file (Pills.mp3)

Jonathan Richman – Rock & Roll Drummer Straight from the Hospy-tel (buy)
Download audio file (RockNRollDrummer.mp3)

“Unhh, my head. Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, dear.”

“Wha-what happened? The last thing I remember I was standing in line to attend Representative Russ Carnahan’s town hall forum in St. Louis County and then…”

“You were mistaken for an Islamo-Nazi and got coldcocked by a protester.”

“Oof. What was he protesting?”

“Prescriptive fascist euthanasia of the elderly. Also, something about Kenya.”

“Wait… is Rep. Carnahan killing the elderly in Kenya?”

“That’s beside the point, dear. The point is you’re safe now, and you’re receiving the best medical care your employer’s insurance was willing to provide.”

“I think I lost a tooth… Holy shit! Is Dee Snider my nurse?”

“It would appear so. His bedside manner is a little unorthodox, but his results are unimpeachable.”

“His nipples are staring at me.”

“His nipples are said to have medicinal properties.”

“Christ, Dolores, are we stuck in another lame Post-Rockist post that’s trying to use current events as an excuse to share three awesome, but very vaguely related songs?”

“That’s part of it, Frank. Mostly I think the blogger was just overexcited at his Google Image Search find.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

However! Earlier this year, Todd and I pledged that we would reserve every Friday to “fix” your craving for music (and/or other entertainments) for the weekend . It was also a way to make us post something every Friday, thereby introducing some kind of routine in our over-less-than-ordinary lives.

Well, I just can’t imagine what it would be like to miss one week of the Friday Fix, especially after all of these long, long months of consistently posting very special somethings on a weekly basis. I couldn’t imagine dealing with the outcry from our regular readers (particularly the heartbreak from finding that neither of them even noticed that we missed a Friday).

So I decided to post two Saturday Night Live videos instead, because I watched them, and they were good, and they also provide a theme: animals.

It all makes sense now, and all is right in the tiny part of the interworld known as The Post-Rockist.

My next blog, by the way, will be called The Post-Falconer.

While on an early evening bike ride yesterday I happened into a public park where several of the local senior citizenry were gathered to hear a Big Band play hits from the 30s and 40s (“back when music was really music!” so I can hear them say when attempting to put words in their mouths). The band was just tuning up, and I was stirred when two saxophonists sitting next to each other blurted out the first note to the Wallpaper Remix of Brooklyn duo Das Racist’s “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

“Whoa, are they covering Das Racist?!” I unconsciously thought aloud, causing several octogenarians to look over at me, a man in dorky green football coach shorts on a stationary bike speaking to himself (since they all seemed hard of hearing, I can’t imagine what they thought I actually said). Suffice it to say, it was a coincidence–these guys haven’t heard “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.” I doubt they hardly ever even read this blog.

I first came upon “Combination” when I decided to listen to Pitchfork’s advice and check out some of their best new tracks. After flipping through standard indie fare, I found myself repeating this track over and over again. And thus my favorite track of summer 2009 was found.

Upon first listen, this seems like a dumb song. It’s just two guys singing back and forth that they’re at either the Pizza Hut or the Taco Bell and, lo! it turns out they’re at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. You can almost imagine two people on cell phones with bad reception trying to find each other on a noisy city street, one on the taco bell side of the titular fast food emporium, one on the other. It also reminds me of the way hard-of-hearing seniors sometimes communicate, so the whole intro to this post isn’t for naught.

But the brilliant thing about this song is that it’s intentionally stupid, the way only really smart people can make stupid songs. The Das Racist brain trust, Himanshu Kumar and Victor Vazquez, are pop culture tricksters, and this musical experiment with “rap” isn’t too different from what Sasha Baron Cohen is doing with movies and Neil Hamburger with comedy. Basically, you get trapped in the fact that they’re so good at the craft of intentional bad taste. I mean, their name is Das Racist after all.

Nevertheless, “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” is undeniably catchy, and once in its grasp, it’s hard to free yourself from it. And personally, I don’t really want to.

“Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” – Das Racist (original) [myspace]
Download audio file (DasRacist-combinationpizzahutandtacobell.mp3)

“Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” – Wallpaper Remix [Wallpaper myspace]
Download audio file (CombinationPizzaHutAndTacoBell(Wallpaper. RMX).mp3)

Links

A fantastic interview in The Village Voice with Kumar and Vazquez

Now watch the cool kids start hating them: A Das Racist show reviewed in The New York Times

[Writer's note: I have nothing against old people. I think The Greatest Generation is great!]

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

But Tuesday morning?! Criminy! You’ve already forgotten about your weekend. The next one is four days away. You’ve got a ton of work. You’re sitting in the office under intense fluorescent lighting. And the weather is finally getting nice and warm. The sun is shining brightly, taunting you.

How can you make it through? How you can you possibly bear the monotony? The stress? The feeling of being chained to your desk? The glare of the lighting! The agony! The ecstasy-lessness!

Well, I promise nothing, but how about taking a few minutes per every hour of your Tuesday to watch one of the videos below.

What do they have in common? Dancing! Glorious, amazing dancing! And the fun kind too! Think of the following as meditations in fun, opportunities to let lose a bit for a few minutes throughout your Tuesday and relax and enjoy and even do a little bit of cube dancing yourself (come on! you can shimmy just a bit in that office chair!).

Follow the Post-Rockist’s 8 video plan and you’ll be assured that this god-forsaken day will, in fact, end.

9am: You obviously turn on your computer and go directly to The Post-Rockist blog. It’s probably your homepage. It is?! Sweet. We think you’re great too. Let’s start your day with the late, great Godfather of Soul. I know what you’re thinking: “But Scotter, I don’t feel good. It’s Tuesday morning.” But in the words of Walter B. Sobczak, “If you will it, it is no dream.”

10am: Ok, you’ve finished your first cup of coffee and are onto your second. You’re mildly awake, have made it through your inbox, and are ready to start the work at hand, perhaps preparing for a meeting. How about something new?

Found a new video for the first single from the new Peter, Bjorn, and John album last night from the Radio Milwaukee blog. Czech it.

11am: Finished third cup of coffee. Maybe thinking about that first cup of tea. Two hours down, another till lunch, then the afternoon. You’ve completely woken up. You’ve done some work. You’re kind of “on” right now. How about something from a french film from the 60s? Godard’s Band a part was a revelation to me when I first saw it this past fall. And this is one of the best scenes of any movie ever, as far as I’m concerned. The dance is called The Madison. The music is northern soul. Who knew french cinema could be so fun, and that line dancing in midday at a diner could be so cool? L’existence est tres bon, n’est-ce pas? (And Anna Karina! Ooh-la-la!)

Noon: Time for lunch. YES! Here’s a send-off for you. Just try to get this song out of your head.

“Hot dog!”

1pm: Back from lunch. About to start the second half of your day. YOU’RE HALF WAY THERE! YOU CAN MAKE IT! You had a good lunch, you’re feeling a bit kooky. So get it out before returning to your daily haul of tasks. Fuse some Flashdance with some M.C. Hammer shit, like David Brent.

This never, ever gets old.

2pm: OK, this is the midpoint of the second half of your day. The high from getting out of the office into the lovely spring air has now faded from your mind and you’re starting to look at the clock. But the 5 is still so far away!

What you need is something to get you moving in spite of yourself–music that’s too infectious to be refused. But you also need something quirky–something to take your mind off of the clock. Here’s the best of both worlds.

3pm: You’re in the homestretch. Two more hours! Likely, you’re browsing through your Google Reader or reading blogs anyway. I was doing that just the other day and found this video. I’m a bit late on it, with the election well over. We all know who won. Still, this is well worth a few minutes off your 3 o’clock hour.

4pm: One hour to go. Oh man! One hour to go!

I’m not sure what kind of dancing video fits this hour. So, why not Beyonce? This video is amazing. It needs no other justification than that.

5pm: YES! That day is done! Time to celebrate! Time to exalt!

I told you I’d help you make it through, my babys!

And to help you celebrate the end of Tuesday, I’m going to let everybody in on a little secret. If you’ve ever been out dancing with me, this video will look oddly familiar for reasons you might not as first be able to put your finger on. Here’s the secret: I’ve stolen every single dance maneuver I’ve ever maneuvered on the dance floor from Stephen Colbert. Yep, that spin with hands in the air, elbows at 90 degree angles. The sassy walk with hip thrusts back and forth. That other spin where I hold my leg behind me and my other arm raised in the air. I pretty much stole it all from Colbert. GUILTY! Still, you love it.

Have a safe ride home. You made it! And you’re welcome.

Did I miss any good ones? I’d love to get suggestions for a similar video mix next Tuesday. Please submit suggested time of day with description and video link to scotter[at]post-rockist[dot]com or comment. I’d love some new ones. I have to suffer through Tuesday too, you know?

In other Valentine’s Day music news, this past weekend Brooklyn’s Mobius Band dropped a free EP of covers titled Empire of Love, which you can download for free here.

Mobius Band was simultaneously one of the best and most disappointing shows of 2008 for me. By the second song, I was completely hooked–this is my new favorite band! The disappointment came when they ended after playing just seven songs–a measly 30 minute set! They were the first opener for Black Kids and Cut Copy, and the show was on a weekday and the venue had to kick everybody out by midnight.

There was hardly anyone present for their early start time at the Magic Stick that night but me and about 20 other people. But when they ended far too early for satisfaction, I could feel the collective chagrin of all around me and in myself as well. Oh man, you should have seen me chagrinning that night! I took it to a new high low. Pouting meanly, chin clenched, shoulders tense, I could have beaten somebody up. I was a wretch to be around until Cut Copy came on stage. I can’t even tell you if Black Kids were any good or not. I hated them for even being on the bill at all.

I wasn’t expecting to be blown away by Mobius Band, but after a brief half hour of their dance-y electro-pop, I became a huge fan and, as a newly formed fan, felt crestfallen that the set was so damn short. If you get a chance to see Mobius Band in concert, don’t waste the opportunity, even if they are the opening act.

And don’t miss out on Empire of Love either. Every cover is innovative and of a style very much their own. Czech it.

Tracklist:

1. “Say You Will” (Kanye West Cover) (mp3)
Download audio file (SayYouWill.mp3)
2. “Love Hurts” (Everly Brothers Cover)
3. “Lullabye” (Dixie Chicks Cover)
4. “Satellite” (TV on the Radio Cover)
5. “At My Window” (Townes Van Zandt Cover)
6. “You Don’t Know How It Feels” (Tom Petty Cover)

From Heaven:
“Hallie”
Download audio file (Hallie.mp3)

CAVEAT: If you despise Valentine’s Day, it’s best to stop reading now. Or, perhaps, you should pay extra close attention.

In late September 2001, I was watching a Canadian benefit concert for 9/11 called Music Without Borders. At the time, The Tragically Hip was one of my favorite bands (and still is) and I vividly remember their performance of the song “Flamenco.” The song is wonderfully poetic, and Gordon Downie’s performance of this slinking, meandering ballad is passionate in an alarming, challenging way. The song itself is a kind of challenge, but not a challenge to provoke aggression. Just the opposite. “Does it diminish your super-capacity to love?” “Does it exhibit your natural tendency to hate?” “Maybe a prostitute could teach you / how to take a compliment.” What Downie gives us is a sort of teaching moment about love: of what you’re capable of, what’s holding you back, and what you need to do to get to where you should be.

But what I remember most is what he whispered into the microphone, as an ad lib, midway through the song. In some sort of ecstatic reverie, he sings as if he’s not surrounded by thousands of people but instead in some kind of private moment, just him and the microphone, advising gently, in a whisper: “Don’t be so tough. Don’t be so tough.” That always stuck with me, but I never heeded the words or understood what he meant until lately.

This time last year, I was responsible for this post. It’s a mix for St. Skeletor’s Day, the anti-Valentine’s Day, the day when bitter single people steal their co-workers’ Valentine’s Day flowers from their desks and run them through the shredder. I was at the time reading a book by Laura Kipnis called Against Love: A Polemic. And I was also in the middle of the third major relationship of my life, and things were going really well.

Why, some might ask, was I concentrating so hard on opposing love when I was in the throws of it?

Well, I don’t know, really. Maybe it’s because sometimes the human heart is a stupid idiot. But I will say that I’ve always been fascinated with opposing love, and, in particular, opposing romance, especially on Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’ve done sweet things for girlfriends–charming, affectionate surprises, thoughtful gifts, romantic gestures–I’m actually quite good at it when I want to be. But for some reason, I wouldn’t completely let myself become the arch-romantic that I think I have in me. And Valentine’s Day has always been to me much like Christmas: it’s all about capitalism finding a reason to make you spend your money on baubles, corrupting true feeling with a Hallmark carbon copy that makes you less, not more, human. Down with the cheesy bourgeois and their manufactured sentiments! Viva the hard-working and anti-sentimental.

I’ve spent the majority of post-high school Valentine’s Days in relationships, and demanded a pledge of nonconformity from my different significant others, warning them well in advance to expect nothing from me on this most insincere of days masquerading as something special and out of the ordinary.

But this year, I find myself single on Valentine’s Day. And while I don’t feel bitter about it, I also don’t revel in being alone, independent, and self-focused. For some reason, I’m more sentimental about Valentine’s Day this year than ever before.

Maybe it’s because this Valentine’s Day there is no pressure to take part in the sacraments St. Valentine demands. Or maybe it’s because I’m getting older and more sentimental (I’m reminded of the graffiti left by Leonard Cohen on a Montreal cafe wall in Ladies and Gentlemen…Mr. Leonard Cohen: “Marita. Please find me. I’m almost 30.”). Or maybe it’s that you can only practice the self-damaging repeated behaviors of loving and losing so many times before you get sick of it and realize that maybe it’s less important to exercise defiant self-control and better to just give the self up to what honest and unguarded love can mean, and what it offers. Maybe it’s time to stop being so cool. Maybe it’s time to stop being so tough.

It’s difficult to say when or why wisdom eventually dilutes the arrogant defenses of cool self-righteousness. But after having spent most of my Valentine’s Days on this planet vengefully monastic toward love as a socially displayed behavior, I somehow feel that perhaps Valentine’s Day can fulfill its promise after all. Perhaps the answer is to challenge the gooey faux-romanticization of the love so often peddled by the love industry on Valentine’s Day by being so genuinely romantic and sentimental so as to vanquish that formidable faux. I suppose that what I was reaching for all along was some kind of authenticity.

And so I offer my small sacrifice to St. Valentine, Venus, and Cupid, in the form of this, The Post-Rockist Valentine’s Day Mix 2009.

It’s divided into three parts with an epilogue. Download the ZIP file, extract the files, and put the songs in a playlist on your iTunes or other music player so that they run in order.

To you newly found lovers, to you couples married for years and years, to you wanderers and hunters of the heart, to you lonely yearners, to you too-cool-for-love naysayers, to you ardent companions, to you all, Happy Valentines Day.

And remember, don’t be so tough.

The Post-Rockist Valentine’s Day Mix (in Three Parts)

Part I: Love Defined, and Believed In
1. Daniel Johnson – Love Defined (more)
2. The Rachel Nevadas – Love (more)
3. Cole Porter – C’est Magnifique (more)
4. Jonathan Richman – Tonight (more)
5. Richard X (featuring Jarvis Cocker) – Into U (more)

Part II: Just Spending Time Together, and Glorying in it
6. Jens Lekman – Your Arms Around Me (more)
7. Billie the Vision and the Dancers – Overdosing with You (more)
8. Nat King Cole – Walking My Baby Back Home (more)
9. Nedelle – Our Little Selves (more)
10. Otis Redding – Cigarettes and Coffee (more)

Part III: The Laws of Attraction in Action, or “I Think You’re Freaking Amazing”
11. Moldy Peaches – Anyone Else But You (more)
12. Daniel – Hard Core (more)
13. Leonard Cohen – Dance Me to the End of Love (more)
14. The Blow – Parentheses (more)
15. Tommy James and the Shondells – Crimson and Clover (more)

Epilogue (because I couldn’t leave this one out)
16. Mitch and Mickey – Kiss at the End of the Rainbow (more)